VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

I was going to think up a fancy name to mask the edged tone of this topic but on second thought I refrained from that because it is such undue concealment that makes this monstrous act grow and flourish, so instead we going to call a spade a spade.

First things first, I think it's important that we analyze what violence and abuse entails because as shocking as it might sound a lot of people go through this without even realizing they are victims of it. Many of us are apparently aware of the nature of physical abuse and violence...the hitting, biting, chewing etc which could result in grave injury and sadly even death! Heinously perpetrated by supposed loved ones or otherwise. How often though, is light shed on the mental aspect of abuse? How often is that very ill that eats into the inner core addressed? it isn't always about sweat and blood.

People might forget how you met them, what you said to them but they will never forget how you made them feel (yea yea...#borrowedquote...moving on lol) so what's the gain in making them feel their worst, it most definitely doesn't change one's life for the better and more importantly is how do we live with ourselves with such guilt!? It will not take any chip off our shoulders in making those around us feel better, even when not in the mood...just because there are those days...its best to "hibernate" within self than let out that monster to cause ruins to other people's lives...human lives.

More pathetic, is the fact that, this horrendous act is more rampant in the prestigious institution of marriage than any other sphere...what an irony! Why would any sane person deliberately hurt the very ones they chose to love and protect if not madness! (pls pardon my German!). I have so desperately tried to rationalize the whole concept of violence and abuse, perhaps there is a "hidden perspective" no one has cared to explore...breaking news guys; there is really no twist and turns to it, it is as it meets the eye...a series of cold sinister acts which is a menace to the society at large. We hear flimsy excuses like "It's the devil's work"...I laugh in french...even the devil will be shocked at some of the perpetration of these hideous culprits. A typical scenario of violence/abuse starts thus; a preconceived idea is hatched, one inherent from either a family history or external influence, this idea beclouds the person's sense of reasoning and ripples into mad rage which is then acted upon. So here's the real question...what is the best means to nip this menace in the bud before it takes over a generation at the brink of survival!

In my opinion (yea...it counts *side eye*), it starts with a child's upbringing...letting both our male/female kids be aware of the acceptable and non-acceptable mode of conduct and its resultant effect on the society. Knowing that it is never too early to teach them to treat others with love and respect just as they would themselves and even more, not entertaining "childish ignorance" that will affect them in the long run and those around them. Setting the foundation right because if we don't the society will graciously do so for us...the resultant of which often leaves a sour taste. The onus is not just burdened on the parents alone but the "village" as a whole. We can decide to dedicate to being each others support systems and jointly fight this plague that is threatening our peace and sanity because the next victim could just be you or a loved one. We've got the power to fight this and the time is now!

Have a fruitful week fam #Onelove

THE PRACTICALITY OF FAITH...

Wait...before you turn the page, this is not a sermon (maybe just a little...hehehe) its gonna be more fun than it sounds...promise. Contrary to popular belief faith isn't necessarily a "privileged feeling" reserved for the religious, rather it is a gift you can bestow on yourself which is very applicable in our daily living. As little kids, we find ourselves trusting our parents to care for us or believing even the flimsiest of stories just because it appealed to our hearing and more often than not it worked out pretty fine (right? lol) so also is the exhilarating feeling that comes with having faith.

It's that confidence you have convincing yourself that all will work for the best even if your reality speaks otherwise. It's that gut feeling telling you to trust your instincts. It's going to bed at night and setting your alarm clock for the next morning without any guarantee that tomorrow will be possible. It's letting your heart to love and trust again despite prior hurt. You see, daily we leverage on the concept of faith without even realizing it and more often than not it produces beautiful results (else you wouldn't be reading this *tongue out*) hence, why not make this "positive feeling" a huge part of your life. You can choose to eat, pray, sleep faith and see it work amazingly for you. Imagine a world where this is common place...not utopia...a more realistic one with its fair share of pros and cons but with the silver lining that faith bestows.

Ordinarily, there is nothing stopping that depressed teen from pulling the trigger, that unemployed graduate from regressing to depression, that mountain from becoming an anthill (lol...ok this last point was for comic relief ;D) but with faith all this will be averted. It might not seem so much of an impact when taken into consideration singularly but collectively the little drops make an ocean. The true beauty being...its not that hard to imagine! 

Stay inspired folks! #Yeswecan

POLITICS...A GAME OF CHESS

I initially wasn't going to write anything on this subject seeing am not about that life lol, I was simply going to sit and mind my business as usual yea right but these itchy fingers won't let me be! *deep sigh*. The recent trickery and surprises on the global political scene is not even one to be quieted upon hence, my two cents. How would one have ever imagined the town clown becoming the town chief!? Or the brave lion becoming a slain dog!?...hmmn dearest folks we have to put this gist in codes to avoid stories that touch lol. As with the onset of most political campaigns each individual has at least two candidates they follow diligently; the one they hope to win and the one they are scared will defeat their hopeful but never in the mix would you anticipate following the game changer altogether. Its funny how a lot of people always have much to say about politics but few understand the basic steps on the game of play.

Politics to me is a random game of chess, one highly thought upon but even at best play still springs its unprecedented surprises. In order to be a strong contender you must first be an underdog, lurking in the shadows, absorbing all the pros and cons void of the spotlight but matching steadily to battle front like a pawn with the hope of morphing to a queen and securing your kingdom. A victor always stays moves ahead of his opponent in the absence of threat while staying open to surprises and whisking every single one to his advantage...a very daunting task but one as an only resort because you chose to play remember? One doesn't necessarily have to be a genius to display ingenuity rather the zealous strive of a champion bring forth this...knowing that you are not finished when the race is over but when it is won! So where did my candidate get it wrong? *sobs* lol kidding...my candidate is/will always be the victor...Hehehe. It isn't an issue about being a sycophant but a realist because imagine the jargon complexity of a normal political race/tussle mentioned above, writing it alone is as draining as can be not to talk of living it! Where/When/How much time do you think these candidates will then honestly be able to dedicate to champion the main cause for which they contest for...our course!? The one which we vote them in for bearing all our trust...don't know about you but my trust is priceless #QED.

More amusing is the the flexibility with which some candidates switch sides and defend such blatant dishonesty, is the price of power worth one's soul? Following comedy politics has gradually become a sight of amusement for most because sooner than not we realize that it doesn't take a saint to change a nation but a nation itself succumbing to change and progress and if you think you are not part of this crew...think again :p. The only sour taste in this comedy reel is the casualty that lays in the wake of its destruction, the reality of which is a total opposite of its intended purpose and promises...errr...still trying to catch the drift of how we even got here lol...ok I remember #politics&codes we can continue now :D. One joy yet, is that "mother nature" seems to have awoken from her slumber and is starting to rectify aging plagues but is that enough to repair a defunct global system, we can only hope for the best.

As with every game of chess, this gist must also come to an end except fight starts, in my mind's-eye, I see the pawn past the opponent's half and advanced to the top rank queening and taking charge of the game. Its every move changing the course of the game and dictating how it should ultimately end with victory in sight but the big question remains; who is that CROWNED PAWN? May the best candidate win!

Stay alert guys! lol kidding STAY POSITIVE ALWAYS #Onelove

RATIONALIZING FEAR

Fear can seem like a real thing almost concrete in nature judging by the enormous influence it has on our daily lives. It can be said to be as old as time itself, typically graduating from that feeling we have as children to the mental captivity we feel as adults. Perhaps, we should switch up the saying for "Fear is the only constant thing" instead of Change? Nah...I will take change over fear any day any time because if otherwise, we would still have been stuck in the stone age.

The rationale behind fear is a dark and twisted one and the more we give into it, the more it incapacitates us. So often, danger and fear are likened as the same thing which is a grave misunderstanding because "Danger is very real whereas Fear is a choice"-Will Smith. Yet, only if it was so easy a choice to/not to make then we wouldn't have found ourselves in this epistle in the first place lol. It takes a lot of soul searching to clearly distinguish the reality of danger from the vagueness of fear without allowing one's self to be entwined in the mix. Whenever I hear the word "fear", it always brings to mind a scary movie I watched as a kid and unlike then, I outburst laughing not because the memory has magically turned into pleasant one rather, joy and self-confidence of knowing it wasn't real in my world. Now back to grown-up issues, although this has morphed into mental captivity but the resultant outcome is still very much like the childhood flashbacks except this time it actually stirs the course of lives.

It comes in different forms ranging from laziness to start that business venture, uncertainty in pursuing that dream job, procrastination on that academic pursuit, lack of confidence to approach that crush etc (yea you guessed right...had to throw in that last point for laughs lol). Whatever that pending project is the excuses we make to justify our reluctance to see its completion are purely a product of mental slavery! Nah...I wasn't dropped on my head at birth not to say I am unaware of the real life challenges we as individuals are faced with daily and how bleak this can seem at times, thus, hindering us from exploits, but as I mentioned earlier it all boils down to choices...tough choices. The choice to be relentless, to never be quieted nor subdued, to stand up twice as many times as you fall, to remain optimistic and hopeful because the truth is, if you stay winning life will eventually have to succumb to you #Fact.

Our true potentials lies at the tail end of our comfort zone and unless we take that plunge we will never discover what is on the other side, wouldn't you rather find out?
Have a productive week folks and stay winning #Onelove

RISING ABOVE HATE

Howdy guys, sorry about the brief hiatus in our gist column...like they say "life kicked in!"...hehehe but we (me, myself and I) are back and better for the long haul and I missed you just as you didn't miss me. So back to the picture...sorry the post (you can't begin to imagine how much this picture excites me!), it is often said that hate is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die so why do such!?

Oddly, I have a myriad of emotions running through my grey matter writing this post, the good, the bad and the ugly...mostly good though *yawns*. For reasons best known to me, when my day starts to get too cozy I get alarmed! nope...I am not psychotic or anything *rme* its just that more often than not that is when the "monster" lurking in the corner all this while will decide to come out to play...well I guess such is life. More shocking to me, is the fact that on some occasions, knowingly or unknowingly we transpose as the "monsters" for someone else's otherwise cozy day...guess we all need deliverance of some sort (errr...maybe just you :p).

Today, I shall be pointing accusatory fingers because this is a pained post narrative lol. The category of people at the not-too-distant end of my finger are those people with what I call the "Supremacy complex", this folks believe they are better than everyone else and never hesitate to show it...arrogance at its peak. As unrelated as this last sentence might sound to the core gist, yet still, it is very much connected to it and I won't waste any more time in explaining this.

The "hate personified" in meeting this folks is a slow and degenerative process, you don't realize it until it is full blown and you can't recognize yourself anymore. Firstly, they come across as being friendly and knowledgeable...don't be fooled this ploy is to get you to relax your guards and spill your guts while at it. Then they play out the mildly sarcastic and concerned part, unbeknownst to you, they are showcasing their apparent admirable IQ while shedding light on the assumed lack of yours. At this point, you are starting to feel smaller by the minute and you start to question all you know/don't know. The next stage, which is the crucial one is where they show their sheer disregard of the Person and this is exactly where the rage that had been welling up in you slowly but steady turns into hate...you hate yourself for finding you in this situation in the first place and then them for their utter disregard of your person. You start to play out in your mind's eye several sinister scenarios of how this should end...deserve to end, you feel your fist clenching and teeth gritting and the next sound you hear is A LOUD SNEEZE AND THAT'S HOW YOU WAKE UP FROM A BAD DREAM! *runs away*.

Hehehe...did you really think I was gonna leave you off on such a gloomy note! Seriously though, that emotion is real and the best way to overcome is to totally extract yourself from the scenario...best option always. People are gonna hurt you both knowingly or unknowingly and likewise yourself hurting others but it is entirely up to us to allow such pain get the better of us or rise above it. "Unless a child learns to let go he will never learn to walk"- African Proverb.

Have a productive week folks...see you in a jiff ;D

SELF ESTEEM...ISSUES?

I tell all those who care to listen (which is usually nobody! lol) that self-esteem is just a product of of our imagination because if one is truly aware of self then we would realize that those "complexities" are just airy figments. By no means shall we ridicule the evident existence of it but I believe things appear more important when you pay attention to it...so stop paying #QED! easier said than done huh!?

One of the few things I've learnt in life that most people who strive their best to put up a picture of perfection are the sadder than they come...why we chase after these shadows still beats me! neither can I grasp why we misconstrue self-awareness for pride/arrogance...at least it shouldn't be so in this age of "unbridled enlightenment". The fact you are confident about who you are and what you want doesn't signify pomposity of any kind...my two cents (don't have more to spare). I call that self-realization, some call high self-esteem! but already understand my dislike for the word anyways lol. Have we stopped to ask ourselves; what is it about me that so disgusts me and what is in the other person that I so covet...take a moment no hurry in life :D. We can actually admire others without deriding ourselves in the process because an irony of life is that eventually we realize that what we WANTED doesn't turn out to be what we NEEDED.

As cliche` as it might sound but worth recognizing that "All that glitters isn't gold". There is really no gain in comparing one's "behind the scene moments" with another's "highlight reel" we all get to take our turns on stage...how well you interpret your role is entirely up to you. Am really excited about the growing awareness on several platforms about discovering and celebrating your true self, it is a breathe of fresh air from the former norm of plasticity. Heartbreaking it is, to see youths with so much potential self-mutilate all in the name of a social trend that is more baseless than a standing ballpoint pen! *side eye* (Hehehe...ok the last part is entirely me :p).

The main "coconut" of the gist is that no one has a right to make you feel less about yourself unless you let them. You were made just as you are for a divine purpose so instead, put your energy into discovering that purpose rather than trying to be some else wey no reach. Some will find that purpose while others won't but at least you can rest, assured that you gave it your best shot. Till our next fruitful gist...Remain true to self #Peace.

WHAT DO YOU CRAVE...?

Welcome to my question and answer segment ladies and gents *clears throat*, question one; (please refer to topic). Well for me in the spirit of health and fitness I will not say food...actually I refuse to say food so I will say Happiness (whatever that entails lol). Let's digress a little, what in your words is the definition of happiness and please don't tell me the #whitepicketfence gist *rme*...hehehe no vex that was my alter ego not me!

I so crave happiness because for starters, it is so concrete yet so fluttery to grasp that it literally blows your mind...ok that was the Latin version, in English, happiness can not be contained. My definition of happiness can in actual sense be very different from yours and yours and yours x10 (trying to make up writing space...hehehe). One generalized concept I believe most can agree with, is that happiness comes from the "little things" in life in other words happiness is very cheap at a costly price. Does it mean that all those who derive happiness from material things do not understand the true concept of happiness? #HeckdoIknow.

Here, we are going back to the main topic (so what happened in 1960 the last time don't repeat itself). I am pretty sure when asked this question, most people will mention money/riches and other luxuries of life...which isn't such a bad idea all together...hey! give me lots of that and some! lol but should that be one's sole focus in life? (question what is this again?...just checking :D). It is quite ironic that all those who wager life's importance on such ideologies are never actually content when they do eventually get it by hook or crook, it is soon realized that the very thing you seek evades you *sigh*.

This brings me to the conclusion, that whatsoever we do crave for in life; firstly it should not replace your existence as a person or your value on life, neither should it be entirely self-seeking because there will never be any fulfillment in that...the world is an oyster. Also, because a person's craving actually tells a lot about their innate human desire and invariably life's purpose, hence, we should pay more attention in what we crave or pretend to! these things have more significance than we care to acknowledge. 

Thanks for listening guys but due to "time constraint" we can't entertain any further questions *lol*. P.S: My apologies to the preggos this post really should have centered on food...or late night snacks...or both? don't worry next time...hehehe #MuchLove. 

SIBLING RIVALRY

This topic is as old as time itself! (Lol...I have been meaning to use that phrase for long! so appropriate or not, we shall just dump it here). My heart truly goes out to all those who grew up without siblings because even though they are both a blessing and a curse (true story), having one is one of the best gifts in life. I believe the relationship between siblings transitions about three phases through life (or so I think):

Phase One "I hate him/her": This is typically during the toddler and pre-adolescent phase, your sibling during this stage is your self-declared enemy of the state, what you guys are quarreling over can only be understood by the gods. Your fighting style ranges from mortal combat to power rangers mode (yea...you guessed right I always emerge the champion *side eye*). Anyways, this is the fun stage because you give each other marks memories for life and never take things too seriously, simply put life is all about fun and games.

Phase Two "I can best him/her": Brace yourself folks, this is the complicated stage and irritatingly it draws on for longer than you would care for. At this stage, you have outgrown the childish trickery and life has started kicking in, you let others into your life and build bridges or fences in the process. This is where "life happens" folks and it is quite saddening, the flippancy with which most people handle this otherwise crucial stage. This where ambition, societal/peer pressure can get the better of us and invariably how we interact with others even family...never scatter diamonds while gathering stones.

Phase Three "I need him/her": On about now, the 'dust has settled' and priorities are being set right. Life has taught you a fair share of blows it thinks you deserve as well as fellow humans (trust some people to have a Phd in this! *smh*). At this stage, regardless of your maturity, you have developed a strong sense of discernment...the coin side you choose is entirely up to you. We start to appreciate the things that truly matter and see the beauty in family because then we realize that they are everything! They will stick through whatever weather even when they don't need or want to...that is what they are built for.

So, while you are hassling to be the golden star of the family, proclaiming a sibling foe or even outstretching a minor dispute which otherwise should have been long forgotten, spare a moment to ask yourself what the end gain is!? the answer will humble you. Errmm...least I forget, just realized I chose the wrong topic for this post seeing it was more family-centered! so please help me change it to #family-something on your way out..Thanks in advance lol.

RELATIONSHIP GOALS!?

Firstly, I must state my utmost distaste for this "en-trend"word! Like we don't have enough problems of our own, we are then asked to place our happiness level on superficies (Am not ready *side eye*). Anyhow, we are not approaching this topic with quarrel on that note instead on our subtle sanctimonious jazz! Hehehe.

Hmmn! I can't start imagining the number of "world wars" that will ensue this coming weeks of the love season when folks finally find out that even their boo has a boo! *rotflmao* #calamity. Perhaps, all the blame should go to the main culprit in this matter...St.Val himself :(. I believe for a relationship to thrive...It takes two to tango, so all those calling others; snatchers, haters, cheats etc are simply wasting necessary effort on futile ventures, those rants will not change a thing as you either have the option of walking out of the situation entirely or taking actions to remedy the situation #talkischeap. Also, it is worthy to note that no one can take away from you what is truly yours #nuffsaid.

Perhaps (please bear with me, we will be using a lot of this word today seeing that my annoying self is the least of your problems :p), the amount of time dedicated into full scale private investigations and pretense of bliss, should be time dedicated to understanding and bonding with one's partner...Aye or Nay? the "Ayes" always have it ;D. Letting insecurity flourish in a relationship is akin to pouring water on lit coal...the flame will eventually go out.

Perhaps, trying to mirror idealistic scenarios that bear little or no semblance to your real life situation is the bane of the problem. How often do we ask each other fundamental questions and evaluate compatibility before we jump into bed bestow each with endless titles and endearments! Most times, we really haven't figured out who we truly are not to talk of figuring out someone else...#Rocketscience.

Perhaps, before going on a mad rage about being single, cheated on, jilted etc we should ask ourselves what role we played in the mix seeing that we weren't by-standers. By the way, please don't ask why men people cheat...that's one question I am glad I don't have an answer to (can't kill myself before my time lol). I believe going into a new relationship, we should give ourselves time enough to leave our baggage behind and allow it remain there before forging ahead...a very common mistake that can be a real game-changer.

Perhaps, listening to your friends' advice and following so hook-line-sinker isn't always the wisest choice. This is not to say friends do give bad advice, more often than not you will find them valuable but only you truly knows the complexion what your situation is and it will only be cowardice to fault others for the ignorance of a bad judgement.

Perhaps, this is the end of this topic as we can't do more than this but to stress less and laugh more. Happy Vals folks...may our hearts remain true *muah*.

MANAGING FINANCES...A PERSONAL GOAL

Welcome to a bright new year Champs! Yay!! We made it!!! lol (have to express my excitement now). Here is a "comprehensive list" of my resolutions for the year........wait for it *drum roll*     BLANK  . Sorry, I refuse to be enslaved by unrealistic cliche' agendas that never make it past the first half at best. Why must we even wait till the beginning of a year to put our affairs in order? shouldn't that be a daily or in the least, weekly goal? (I will answer myself don't bother lol). I still don't know if its a myth or reality that January is usually the toughest month of the year...financially atleast, whichever way, we all know what hits us at this time...Hehehe.

So here, we are going to look at a few ways to lessen this burden and reduce future occurrences (no need to fret about the now, we are already one foot in the mud! lol #kiddingnot). Contrary to popular belief, effectively managing your finances doesn't translate to deprival, rather it makes for plenty in little (or more). Let's explain ourselves, first and foremost on this imaginary list is:
- Have a goal, itemize it, be realistic and not over ambitious (that is not required here).
- Discipline yourself (most important ingredient), the fact that you have just yourself to hold responsible should be more reason to stay focused than otherwise.
- Be specific about your intended achievements, if need be, break it down into short term goals so the vision is clearer.
- Remain persistent, ensure achieving a target before moving onto the next one as you don't want to muffle everything up. Life isn't your babysitter, so be prepared for curved balls difficulties that may arise and work out strategies to overcome #YesWeCan.
- Celebrate every milestone achieved (not the closing-down-a-joint type o). Nothing exorbitant else we are back to square one.

Repeat steps 1-5 all over again till all your dreams come true! lol ofcourse we all know the life of man is insatiable but there is greater joy in surmounting hurdles than doing nothing. Don't be content in cheering the trendsetters from the sidelines be one...the only time success comes before work is in the dictionary! Hehehe. Alright folks, we are not just starting off this year, rather continuing on our upward ascent...see you at the top ;D. Stay winning!